day twenty-one: collegetown pizza

June 6, 2011 § Leave a comment

I was drunk enough Saturday night to eat at Collegetown Pizza. Unfortunately — or, perhaps, fortunately, for the purposes of my Sunday productivity — I wasn’t drunk enough to actually enjoy it. Collegetown Pizza, or CTP, as it’s affectionately abbreviated, is an eatery that exists solely to sop up alcohol from the tender stomachs of late night revelers and give them the requisite carb boost to eke out a few more desperate hours of half-remembered partying.

One of the key draws of CTP is the staff. They are jovial, possibly continuously stoned, and always ready with a good quip. Saturday night was no exception. “Which is the freshest?” my friend asked, pointing to the case. The man behind the counter put two thumbs to his chest, “Me.” Indeed.

Another draw of CTP is the graffitied walls, which lend to the place a vague sense of authenticity and nostalgia for the bygone pre-corporatized days of grimy New York bars, coffee shops and pizzerias. I, too, feel like I missed an important moment in CTP history when I see, written on a column: JWOWW was here, 5/22/11. It looks, for all intents and purposes, like THE JWoww of Jersey Shore fame’s handwriting and I wonder for a moment what the hell I was doing on 5/22/11 instead of hanging out here.

JWoww was here. Where was I?

My friends ordered slices and proceeded to douse them with all possible spice toppings: Oregano, parmesan, red pepper flakes, garlic powder, the works. This magical act makes CTP’s pizza just barely palatable. The sauce is tooth-wrenchingly sweet and covered with gummy cheese. Basically, this pizza tastes like it looks: Like soggy, greasy cardboard. It is the anti-Clearasil — it can give you zits just looking at it. Dab a napkin on the top and, voila!, the napkin instantly becomes see-through (cue applause). I love garlic knots and asked for a side order. They were the opposite of the pizza, oddly dry, more knotted than garlicky.

I looked up at the menu board and saw that CTP also proudly advertises platters such as Veal Cutlet Parmigiana with side orders like Sauteed Broccoli. With pizza this bad, though, I can’t even imagine how they could even get to preparing passable versions of such offerings nor the kinds of people who be so cavalier as to order them.

During the academic year, CTP gets so crowded after the bars close that people spill out onto the street. The first time I arrived in Collegetown on the late night Short Line, I stepped out and saw CTP looking like it was the set for the closing shots of Do The Right Thing 2: Sal’s in Suburbia. This past weekend, though, we were the only ones in the place, with the epically terrible film Dragon Wars: D-War playing in the background. Our pizza and film couldn’t have been more perfectly paired.

Price: Student-friendliest (< $6)
Hours: M-W & Sun, 10am – 2:45am; Th, 10am – 3:30am; F-Sat, 10am – 3:45am
Location: Corner of Dryden Road and College Avenue
Recommended: Not getting so drunk and hungry so as to end up here
Website (with MUST-SEE hot, juicy and delicious graphics!): CollegeTown Pizza

College Town Pizza Incorporated on Urbanspoon

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